Sick and sad and feline bad. You may want to skip this post forever.

Another blogger alerted us to bad news at Caboodle Ranch this morning.  I've been feeling dejected and listless since I heard.

You might remember us touring Caboodle Ranch and meeting its owner and full-time manager, Craig Grant.  Our impression was that this was a good place for otherwise-unwanted cats to be, and that it was a clean, relatively safe, and loving place for them to live out their lives.  We didn't see the infirmary.

For me, the issue is whether or not to euthanize very sick cats.  Craig does not kill any cat, no matter how sick.  I would choose otherwise if I were king.  He never made any pretense that he euthanized cats;  in fact, he made his policy clear.   He makes them as comfortable as is chemically and emotionally possible, but he doesn't kill them.  So, it is very likely that inside the infirmary were very, very sick animals.  [I didn't watch the videos, and I won't.]

So, in the fray, hundreds of cats who were happy, healthy, and enjoying life and relative freedom on 30 acres of wooded land, with heated shelters and plenty of food, have been rounded up and "rescued" to crowded cages, over-populated, under-funded shelters, and uncertain fates.  Most shelters are not no-kill.  I know for a fact that the neighboring Lake City, Florida Humane Society will accept and kill a litter of kittens on demand while you wait.  For free, if you're a resident.  Now what are the Caboodles' chances?

If Craig's history and story are to be believed, this is tragic for the cats who might have lived out long lives on the Ranch.  If PETA and the ASPCA are to be believed, it's tragic for everyone.  I have encouraged people to donate a bit to the Caboodles, and we've met the man and his cats.  Naturally I hope to see him exonerated.  I don't want to believe he is a criminal hoarder.  A hoarder doesn't build and maintain a compound like this, seeking the best food and care for his charges.  A hoarder doesn't (shouldn't?) receive seals of approval from local veterinary and animal shelters.  These charges make fools of the hard-working volunteers who saw all parts of the operation and who thought the endeavor was worthy of their time and labor.

Disclaimer:  Annie may have a different opinion, and so I'm not letting her post, just in case she disagrees with me.  As if.

I'm going to moderate comments for a while, because I'm sure Caboodle Ranch detractors are feeling joyous at their "victory" on behalf of cats.  This blog isn't going to be a forum for free speech today.  For them.  You guys can speak.  Just remember I'm sad.

We're really leaving, apparently. Here we go!

Also, no question goes answered!  If I have to invent something in the dark, scary corridor of my mind, I will slake your thirst for knowledge.

Q:  Isn't your blog list on the left-hand side ...

A:  Yes, it is.

Q:  I'm not finished.  Isn't your blog list different these days?

A:  It is a little different!  Thanks for noticing!

Q:  No, I mean it's suckier.

A:  Oh!  Uh ...

Q:  It used to tell me when blogs were updated.  Plus, it was a lot longer.

A:  I see your point.  Here's the scary, invented actual story:

      The same blogs appear on the list, plus a few more that we've discovered along the way.  But now, only the 25 most recently updated ones show at the top.  If you want to see them all, click the microscopic link at the bottom that says "show all."  

     So, it doesn't tell you exactly when the blog was updated, but if it's at the top of the list, chances are it was updated pretty recently.  Same with the blog in the #2 position (not that any of your blogs are ever in the #2 position).  Relatively speaking, we can say the same about the third blog on the list.  Just slightly less so for the fourth.  The fifth is questionable.  By the time you look at #6, it may have been updated yesterday, for all we know.

     That way, valuable blogs that aren't regularly updated are still there for all of us to gawk at and exploit, but they won't pop up to the top, and the blog list won't trail down like toilet paper that gets stuck in your pantyhose.  It's tidier (as though you folded up the toilet paper neatly and tucked it entirely into your pantyhose for later use), and keeps its original functionality.

Remember, there are no stupid questions, only stupid answers.

Southern central NYS is enjoying a "wintry mix" (buy it in a bag or make it yourself - recipe is on the box).  We're trying to absorb enough coffee to start the engine.

My NY friends, I am sadder than you can know to be waving "so long" to you.  Annie reassures me that our wheels can roll anywhere, and gently reminds me not to be such a big freakin' baby and pass the tissues.  We'll talk to you guys soon.  xoxo

Cleaning my things, dumping my stuff.

I have things to say today, and this guy says them better. He's writing my posts from now on.

It made me think of how sad we both were to see our comfy couch go down the road this weekend on the top of a van. We haven't sat together on the couch for months; we had to defur it before anyone could enter the house. Still, all I could remember was how carefully we shopped for it, how we saved our money so we could sit on it without thinking of debt, how we selected fabric for fur repellency (oops). It fit perfectly on the only couch wall. We chose it for a different time, a different home and different dreams, and it's those things I am grieving. Something's gotta give. I don't regret changing course or climbing down the ladder of the American Dream, but those dreams were real, too, and they don't go without struggle or tears.

My son will rent the little house, and is glad to keep a few pieces that we've been stuck on. The Victorian curly-maple secretary that my mother gave me 25 years ago, an ugly thing when she got it, but beautiful under the paint. He'll keep a thick-planked bookcase of Annie's that was her first adult purchase.  He'll use our awesome Ultimate Bed (we have one in the Duck, or I would not be going).  What he won't keep are the cats. Okay, he'll try one, but that's IT.

POLL: What do you think of this new comment set-up? Sassy already gave it a razzberry. I like it because you guys can play amongst yourselves and make new little friends, and I can stick my head in and say TURN THAT NOISE DOWN!!! I don't like it because I have to introduce myself every single time and I'm all dood, we just met 30 seconds ago in that other comment.

Through thick and thin.

Hi friends.  I try not to be a downer here - I save that for my real-life - but this relates to our project and how we're progressing, so I want to share it.

Overall, I'm really optimistic.  I'm feeling and hoping that getting the motorhome helped us turn a corner in our psychological progress.  Before we made that decision, it seemed that we just couldn't move forward.  Annie was resisting, but I didn't know why and so I backed off.  I felt like I didn't have the oomph we needed to drive us ahead on my own.  The winter takes a big toll on my state of mind.  But, this feels entirely more possible. 

Suddenly, though, I'm feeling like I must be wearing our friends out. 

We're invading Carolyn and Annie's personal space, dieseling in and out with our loud truck, bustling around and generally shattering the calm at their country home.  They're not complaining (yet) - thanks guys!

We've been counting on storing some things at another friend's house, but what little (relatively speaking) we've taken so far has begun to feel to her like a max-out, and there's more than that to come.  A lot of things can go into her barn still, but there are things that won't survive an upstate NY barn winter, let alone several.  We may need to re-prioritize what we're keeping, although I honestly feel like we have been cutting to the bone, and then into it.

I feel a little overwhelmed, although not buried, by what needs to happen with the Big Duck.  That part seems the most manageable right now.  We're on a deadline, so that should help us move forward.  Specifically, it should be moving me forward off the couch and into action today.  We need to get the Duckette sold within three weeks, and the Big Duck moved into its spot.  Wow!  I should have seen that in writing a week ago ... gotta go! 

Of a personal nature, my father continues to have health crises a thousand miles from here that he doesn't want my help with.  It would be easier not to know about them, and that's actually his preference.  What luck.  Still, he has made no other provisions for medical decision-making, and they have my phone number.

• I'm going to clear out the Duckette and move stuff over today.

• When the parts (generator, radial arm support, Banks exhaust) are ready for reassembly in  the Big Duck, we'll drive that over and get it done.

• We'll talk to the electrician about moving the batteries and installing an inverter.

I know we'll get this done, and we'll figure stuff out, and you guys will pat me on my head and tell me everything is fine, and I'll believe you.  This is just a belch in the smörgasbord of life.  

In-between (Roxi)

If you're local to us, you know the weather has been ridiculously beautiful this week. And, when the weather is beautiful here, there is no bad thing about the entire place. I've had a hard time maintaining my motivation to leave Eden dressed only in a tin leaf. Lots more 2 A.M. awakenings by my saner inner voice, asking politely what the hell I'm thinking.

Those moments are interspersed with periods of elation, when I can't get on the road fast enough to suit me.

It's hard to tell from the outside that Annie is anything but fully-focused on the goal, so every now and then I have to check in.

Hon, do you ever think this is the stupidest thing that has ever crossed your mind?

Sure!

What do you do when that occurs to you?

I just push through it.

There you go! Just push through it. And, I guess that's what we're both doing, sometimes alone, sometimes together.
~~~~~
Annie has gone this morning to get the brake controller in the truck checked out. That's the communication between the truck brakes and the trailer brakes, because you want to keep those guys talking all the time. I'm stopping, how about you? Oh, heck yeah, I'm stopping, too! Excellent, I'm stopping really fast now - are you with me? Oh yeah, I am SO TOTALLY stopping fast! They had had a little tiff, apparently, and lines of communication had shut down, so this is just a little bit of couples' counseling.
~~~~~

There is an empty space that should be a latch on the back screen door; easy to replace, but you have to remember the orientation. Right-handed? Left-handed? This is how they're labeled, but it's impossible to know which it is without picturing your own door. I wanted to convey this information to Annie in words, while retaining it for myself in a visual way. My right hand was a gun pointing left, to indicate the direction the latch should attach.

So, this ... [hand fully cocked and loaded]

BANG?

No, it's ...

BANG?

[exasperated] NO, the latch, like this! [pulling trigger]

BANG? BANG? BANG?

Aah! If you're on the inside, it's like this: [shooting left-hand gun]

HONK?

I melted down. (Roxi)

It has been a bad week. Not like I burned the toast twice and got a flat tire and my PCR failed. Bad enough that I can't make fun or laugh it away.

And, when things quieted down yesterday, I was filled with sadness: over the losses, GreyC, this place, this house, the friends I've made. My fears that my friends will forget me, that I am leaving here for a place where I don't matter to anyone. I blubbered like a ... whale? and laughed like a maniac. It's possible I was hysterical. Annie just held me and let me keen.

But, we had a house-showing, and it's not even on the market. A friend of a friend, a very nice woman with one cat (for now), is in the market for a little house in the 'Burg. That's what we have. So, we cleaned like crazy cleaning women and let her come over with her agent and another friend.

They looked for about an hour, and asked a couple of questions. It was fine.